thURSDAY, JULY 6, 1944
Dearest Kitty,
My blood runs cold alks about becoming a criminal or a speculator; of course, I still he feeling hes afraid of his own weakness.
Margot and Peter are alo me, quot;If I rength, if I had your drive and unflagging energy, could. . .
Is it really sucrait not to let myself be influenced by ot in following my own conscience?
to be , I cant imagine ;Im ; and tay t about yourself, ;Because its muc to!quot; t mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too? O cant be true. It cant be true t people are so readily tempted by ease. . . and money. Ive given a lot of t to er to believe in of all, to cter. I dont knorack.
Ive often imagined o confide everyto me. But no its reac point, I realize it is to put yourself in someope elses s ans;easyquot; and quot;money”
are neely alien concepts to me.
Peters beginning to lean on me and I dont t, not under any circumstances.
Its anding on your o, but rue to your cer and soul, its ill.
Ive been drifting around at sea, days searcive antidote to t terrible ;easy.quot; clear to , o a place y, so far do o the surface again?
ere all alive, but know w for; were all searching for happiness;
are different and yet tunity to get an education and make someto . . . . And ts somet acaking t. Earning speculating and being lazy. Laziness may look inviting, but only rue satisfaction.
I cant understand people o t isnt Peters problem either.
doesnt oo stupid and inferior to ever ac feels to make someone else teac religious, scoffs at Jesus C and takes t Ort s me every time to see ched.
People y to believe in a even o live in fear of eternal punis;
ts of purgatory, for many people to accept, yet religion itself, any religion, keeps a person on t pat t up to revies and omatically try to do better at tart of eacer a o tion; it costs notely useful. t kno by experience t quot;a quiet conscience gives you strengt;
Yours, Anne
M. Frank
SAtURDAY, JULY 8, 1944
Dearest Kitty,
Mr. Broks o get ra tion. ty and full of sand, but in large quantities. No less ty-four crates for t very same evening six jars and made eig morning Miep started making jam for the office.
At ty tside door es o tcer, Fatumbling up tairs. Anne got er from ter er, Margotquot;quot;, for a bucket, all omacered tcer: tingent and toget in tains and rembling ement. I kept t;Are be feels o tairs, racable. At least ts o be doing, but more o to ts. to need anot soon. Peter back doairs, but t er raced upstairs and s t kicking our iently; traing to be rinsed, but uck to t;No running er airs -- t he drains.”
Jan came up at one to tell us it er airs again. Ding-dong. . . t-face. I listened to anding first at t top of tairs. Finally Peter and I leaned over ter, straining our ears like a couple of burglars to airs. No unfamter tip- toed airs and called out, quot;Bep!”
Once more: quot;Bep!quot; by t in tco tc c;Go upstairs at once, Peter, tants to leave!quot; It airs and closed the bookcase.
Mr. Kugler finally came up at one-ty. quot;My gosurned to stra, Jans ing tairs to get a red and w do I see? People wasrawberries!”
t of tra evening: two jars came unsealed.
Faturned to jam. t morning: t afternoon: four lids. Mr. van Daan gotten t enougerte cereal ratermilk rarara, strara strararaed or in jars, safely under lock and key.
quot;; Margot called out one day, quot;Mrs. van us y pounds!”
quot;ts nice of ; I replied. And it certainly its so much work. . . ugh!
quot;On Saturday, youve aJI got to s; Mot table.
And sure enouger breakfast our biggest enamel pan appeared on table, filled to t to try removing t t once youve pulled out t, delicious and ricamins. But an even greater advantage is t you get nearly times as muc just the peas.
Stripping pods is a precise and meticulous job t miged to pedantic dentists or finicky spice experts, but its a ient teenager like me. e started nine-ty; I sat do ten-ty, got Up again at eleven, sat do eleven-ty. My ears ring, pod in trip tring, pod in tc., etc. My eyes ring, rotten pod, green, green. to figo do, I ctered all morn- ing, saying o my ony ring I pulled made me more certain t I never, ever, to be just a housewife!
At te breakfast, but from ty to one-fifteen rip pods again. opped, I felt a bit seasick, and so did til four, still in a daze because of tched peas.
Yours, Anne
M. Frank
SAtURDAY, JULY 15,1944
Dearest Kitty,
eve received a book from title Do You to discuss t today.
ter criticizes quot;todays yout; from o toe, t dismissing t;; On trary, s o build a bigger, better and more beautiful t t giving a t to true beauty. In some passages I rong feeling t ter ing me, o bare my soul to you and defend myself against ttack.
I standing cer trait t must be obvious to anyone cranger. I can stand c across from t being biased or making excuses, c sime I open my mout;You s differentlyquot; or quot;ts fine t is.quot; I condemn myself in so many Im beginning to realize trut;Every co raise itself.quot; Parents can only advise t t direction. Ultimately, people sers. In addition, I face life raordinary amount of courage. I feel so strong and capable of bearing burdens, so young and free! realized t means I can more easily and tore.
But Ive talked about ten. Noo turn to ter quot;Fat Understand Me.quot; My parents ten, treated me kindly, defended me against t parents can. And yet for t time Ive felt extremely lonely, left out, neglected and misunderstood.
Fato curb my rebellious spirit, but it and looking at w I was doing wrong.
Fat me in my struggle? o offer me a alked to me as if I o see t truggle to triumpies ant to me thing else.
I didnt to quot;typical adolescent problems,quot; or quot;ot; or quot;youll gro of it.quot; I didnt to be treated t as Anne-in-, and rim didnt understand t. Besides, I cant confide in anyone unless tell me a lot about ttle about get on a more intimate footing. rim als like ting im- pulses, but o me as a friend, no matter ries. As a result, Ive never slook on life or my long-pondered t my diary and, once in a ely alienated myself from him.
I couldnt any ot myself be guided entirely by my feelings. It istical, but Ive done for my o, plus to aco be subjected to criticism may sound ed, but I cant take criticism from rim eit only do I never s ts Ive pusable.
t I t quite often: rim annoys me so mucimes? I can o utor me, and ion seems forced. I to be left alone, and Id ratil Im more sure of myself o ill torn about tter I e . Os o be strong and brave in every way!
. . .
Still, t been my greatest disappointment. No, I t Peter muc , and not ted an image of ured , s, sensitive boy badly in need of friendso pour out my to a living person. I ed a friend out to do and dreo automatically developed into an intimacy t, norageous. e talked about t private t touc to my . I still cant make ail
of Peter. Is s putting all t aside, I made one mistake: I used intimacy to get closer to oto be loved, and I can see o like me more ime togetisfied, but just makes me to start all over again. I never broacs I long to bring out into ter, more to get close to me, and no see any effective ing . I soon realized , but still tried to of hful horizons.
quot;Deep do; I read ts stuck in my mind. As far as I can tell, its true.
So if youre ainly not. Older people everytions. Its t a time royed, es, trutice and God.
Anyone time in t realize t ter impact on us. ere mucoo young to deal ting til, finally, o tion, t of time our solutions crumble s difficult in times like to be crusy. Its a ical. Yet I cling to till believe, in spite of everyt people are truly good at .
Its utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of cransformed into a roy us too, I feel the suffering of millions.
And yet, everytter, t ty too s peace and tranquturn once more. In time, I must o my ideals. Pero realize them!
Yours, Anne
M. Frank
FRIDAY, JULY 21, 1944
Dearest Kitty,
Im finally getting optimistic. No last, they really are!
Great neion attempt lers life, and for once not by Jes, but by a German general , but young as o quot;Divine Providencequot;: unately, c.
t proof o see ler sink into a bottomless pit, so tablisatorser a feart a nes time getting rid of s muco let ts less is alloo start rebuilding ties all t muc yet, and Id e to anticipate t. Still, youve probably noticed t Im telling trutrut trut rattling on about high ideals.
Furtler o announce to ed people t as of today all mtapo, and t any soldier empt on t !
A fine kettle of fis tle Jo are sore after a long marc. Jos, quot;You, you tried to kill take t!quot; One s, and ty officer ernal life (or is it eternal deatually, every time an officer sees a soldier or gives an order, ically ting s, because than he does.
ere you able to follo, or to anot , t of going back to scober is making me too o be logical! O I just get telling you I didnt to anticipate events? Forgive me, Kitty, t call me a bundle of contradictions for nothing!
Yours, Anne
M. Frank