I  one face-to-face on try, and telling to o follo nigairs I  tcing for my son.  be safe as long as t be safe  let Edo locking our doors and latcion, infected my rest. to steady my sanity. False start folloart. I struggled to keep te.

    Fortunately, I ess and Edo keep me grounded. A delivery truck pulled into our cul-de-sac on my birt ted, quot;Its s ; ted t I remain in til my gift could be brougo tifully complied, mad  my sons jumpy exuberance and tesss sexy, knourn,  it migolen sruth ever be revealed.

    Edairs and udio. A great green boretcsey, tess presented me he scissors.

    quot;As mayor of ty,quot; I intoned, quot;Id like my distinguiso join me in t; e cut togethe door.

    t nee, but it iful from t e ter. Edops, and I took tess aside and asked how she could afford such a luxury.

    quot;Ever since San Francisco,quot; s;or maybe since Czecing to do t for sale at an old c. Your mom and C us over top, you s ed you to . I knos not perfect, but—quot;

    quot;Its t gift—quot;

    quot;Dont  t. Just play t;

    quot;I gived my allo; Edward said.

    I embraced tigune, and t do again to time.

    Still enamored er, I returned en to an empty and quiet urned on Sesame Street, and  to my studio to  a single s of folded paper icky note affixed to t;Lets discuss!quot; s  esss hands.

    t door s, and for a dark moment t danced t to t door just as tess inco took a feo ligo tcting food aicularly concerned about anyts.

    from ;Did you get my note?quot;

    quot;About t t?quot;

    S of ; do you mean, ? You left it on tion is:  it?quot;

    quot;In C;

    quot;C  o investigate t;

    total silence gave me away.

    quot;ere you t jealous of Brian? Because ly, ts a little crazy, dont you t;

    quot;Not jealous, tess. e o be trying to race ree. Find ;

    S and  to t;ts incredible. alk to Brian Ungerland?quot;

    quot;t ory, tess. I ran into  Oscars op by tional Arc find t maybe ;

    quot; believe a ;

    I stepped too enfold e to end tion. quot;tess, Ive alold you trut;

    quot;But  go ask ;

    quot; know ;

    quot;Everyone  oill does, I tell ;

    quot;But I looked ;

    quot;Youre kidding.quot; S;S me till o talk about t crazy old man all time.quot; Giving up, saircase.

    quot;Gustav?quot; I sed after her.

    S;No, no ...Joe. Crazy Joe Ungerland is Brians grandfat family, even t;

    quot;Are you sure  talking about Gustav Ungerland?quot;

    quot;Im going to start calling you Crazy  terested, all Brians mot; At top of tairs, s;Its s you  you o .quot; S free my ;tell t;

    Buried to ared straig blinking, and time I passed o a tree trunk nearby, and dismembered arms and legs poked up at odd angles from t tring tied to a cated in tuffed into ticipating Saturdays postman. terminds beopped t of t t catatonic as I he sidewalk.

    quot;Can you girls o be lost,quot; I said from ttom step. tective arm across ers shoulder.

    quot;Is your mommy or daddy ;

    quot;Its ed,quot; said ter. S teeth a lisp.

    quot;Scer.quot; ter may en, stick-t c ; to go see a cer?quot;

    I put one foot on t step. quot;Because Im a goblin.quot;

    to ear. ter directed me to look for a turn before t street corner, a  ;Its called Asterisk ay,quot; s;because its too small to ;

    quot;Are you going to gobble ; the smaller one asked.

    quot;Im going to gobble  out t and make yourself a skeleton.quot; turned and looked at eacher, smiling gleefully.

    An invasion of sumac and overgroerisk ay. o scrape  out and ered along te, and last on t  of me, racing across tled t ttle sisters  t in ttled me. I reaced t dark place, but  door.

    An elegant e ood tall and erect in t and searco ;rouble finding t; Ne;

    Mrs. Blake  put ot at ease. to gain tervieracking does ed over a lunce on Brian, , and I attempted to steer tion around to my ulterior motive.

    quot;So, Mrs. Ungerland ...quot;

    quot;Call me Eileen. I  been Mrs. Ungerland for years. Not since my first unate Mr. Blake met range accident c;

    quot;A cually ... Im so sorry, Eileen. About bot;

    quot;ell, you s be. I married Mr. Blake for  ; Sed to emple hin finger.

    quot;I  to Catary sc Brian in nint was ;

    ened, and sood up so quickly t I t sopple over. quot;ould you like to see pictures?quot;

    At every stage of o Edures, posture, even te corn on tion increased h each image.

    quot;Brian used to tell me pretty ories,quot; I said. quot;About t;

    quot;Did ell you about Opa Josef? ill a baby w I remember ;

    quot;t?quot;

    S back in ing t;It is a sad, sad story, t family.quot;

    quot;Sad? In ;

    quot;t married, ages ago. e kept tic. O y, maybe one  and rave about t  t, as if someto get tering about av, claiming t  really  all and t tav olen aer. If I remember, ter died on t plunged to grief. And till imagining spirits after all t;

    to feel unusually omac.

    quot;Let me t kno t Gettysburg. But til y, and t brot one. Suc;

    quot;Idiot?  do you mean, idiot?quot;

    quot;ts not  no back ts  on and on about  it rick of t t savant. Gustav  and extremely introverted. Maybe istic, if t;

    to my o feel faint.

    quot;Or maybe rung. But after t opped playing tely  of o be an old nun too. t mad opped playing tarted to let t drift rig out to see  titution, poor dear. You could tell  Lord only knoo live in tle   1934, I t ;

    S over to album and flipped to t of ted to a middle-aged man in a gray fedora. quot;ts crazy Joes son.  a girl.quot; ted to a ;Gustav.quot; For a brief moment, I t t  tograpion at all. Beneatc;La belle dame sans merci. Gone ime, but  not for oget ting oday, ;

    quot;But,quot; I stammered, quot;but o go on after so mucune?quot;

    quot;t all of us do. t I  on after losing t, you o let go of t, son. Be open to life to come. Back in ties, o talk about going off to find o say, ill I ever knoo be? Sucions beg straig you t;

    I felt faint, paralyzed, destroyed. I cra t door, all to bed. If ed quickly in tory.

    to rouse me from deep slumber t morning, tess fixed a pot of  coffee and a late breakfast of eggs and biscuits, av as an idiot savant. too many gs in ttic. e sat on tions of tended to read, but my mind rying to sort ties, ed  of tion of maddening intensity.

    tess stood and peered doreet bot sa;I cant stand it,quot; s;Im going inside until t off. Can I fres;

    quot;Al; I smiled and  reet, in t of Sunday morning, ter, beckoned o opped ly at me for an instant. retcures  and s. From doed a bony finger rig me, and turned oo late to see tures disappeared, ted, settled back in their chains.

    quot;Did you figure out ion ?quot;

    quot;t;

    quot;t;

    quot;I dont kno; I took a sip. quot;Little monsters.quot;

    quot;Monsters?quot;

    quot;Cant you smell t ran over a skunk.quot;

    quot; are you talking about? I dont smell a t;

    quot;I dont kno teria, a figment of t? A couple of kids.quot;

    S ;Are you feeling okay,  seem yourself today.quot;

    quot;Im not,quot; I said. quot;Maybe I so bed.quot;

    As I drifted off to sleep, ted my dreams. A dozen crept out of tepping out from beree. t on coming, a band of orapped inside, I raced from floor to floor and looked out tains as tly marco Eddies room, and o ers begin to climb up turned to me, menace and red in ttered in otting tle crescendo. I looked into tion morpo my fatav. Beures rose and reac its clao wrap around my neck.

    tess sat on t, and t ter t;Youve s okay, its okay.quot; I buried my face on  and sroked my il I gained my full senses. For a moment, I did not know w know who I was now or ever.

    quot;;

    Sion. quot;At my mot you remember? s ;

    I shivered in her embrace.

    quot;as it t mean old Mrs. Ungerland? You need to concentrate on ant and stop cer . Dont you knos you I love. And always ;

    Everyone  too dire to confess to friend or lover, priest or psycrist, too ent to excise  o ignore it; ot deep and lug it unspoken to t so  even times forgets t exists. I do not  to lose our c  to lose tess. My fear of being found out as a ced by tess  of t of my life.

    After rue story of Gustav, it is no  I remembered so little from t been stolen, I  our er in California  and a reminder of all t  stake.

    started seeing ttributed it to tress of discovering my past. tions, nig of my imagination, but tures s taunting me: an orange peel on table; an open bottle of beer on top of television; cigarette butts burning in t missing. My ced piano tropateition. Pograpters, books. I once  at t doairs and found a baked en on tertop. Furniture t  been moved in ages suddenly appeared next to open  my mot tramping on t outside to investigate. ty minutes later, time, one of t e in our backyard.  outside to catc, ture less, and I ed only for to go a peace.

    Someto be done about my old friends.